Running Without the Sergeant-Major

Looks like I’m going to have to learn to run in a humid climate because we are posted to Trenton this Spring.  Hopefully end of May it seems.

 Sending out warm thoughts and good wishes to the wonderful RBF ~ even though I’m likely the long lost prodigal daughter. LOL

Are you familiar with Jeremy Camp?  Great singer, listen to him a great deal lately.  One of his songs Take Me Back has made it to my iPod for running and as I’ve likely said, in a thousand different ways, a thousand different times: running and God seem to take me back the way I am over and over and over…no questions.  I was running last night and found myself remeniscing about the early years of my budding runnner days; 17 years old, off to University and ready to take on the world; run races to finish in the front of the pack (okay well at least I couldn’t see the folks at the back I was that far ahead)  Now I swear I run only to make sure all the stuff inside my gently aging body is continuing to flow and move around.

Things have been well, like life I guess, lots of challenges, changes…I really can’t complain at all just I find myself being swept up in the glory, the pain, the risks, the joys…the whole beautiful adventure of life and subsequently the quiet thought times are often missing where once they were a regular part of my day.  Running is a place where I just ‘come back’ to being me and I was thinking about all of my friends on here as I hit the sunny trail last night.  It’s amazing how much this warm community has grown and fed the dreams and spirits of so many souls that find running an important part of life. 

Well as usual this is just a meandering little mind dribble that may mean nothing in the giant WWW cosmos but to me it was great to just sit down and pound out on my keyboard a little note about my most beloved life activity: running.

Gratitude Thought:

Safe, happy place to live.  I live in a great little home, in a beautiful part of my country.  We are safe, warm, fed and happy.  The air is very pure and clean and the view is breathtaking, especially in the spring.  I’m so grateful for being so ‘well off.’

I broke my toe!! Holy ouchness.  I was at a Mess Dinner last night (formal military dinner) and wearing high heels.  Of course I almost never wear anything but sensible, yet stylish, rockports or naturalizers so sexy leg high heels happen only a few times a year.  Well turns out two gin and tonics with too much port at ‘toasting’ time was way too much for little ole me and I woke up this morning with a gigantic toe.  Luckily Doc taped me up because I’m the MC for my Daughter’s very first Navy Cadet Parade Ceremony.

Doc said long run day just went short run on my elyptical though…which is unfortunate now that the weather is actually decent.  Well at least he didn’t ground me entirely though eh? ;)  Then again, he has to deal with my cranky little self when I’m not able to get my exercise.

Gratitude thought for the day:

The special place setting at mess dinner for our fallen brothers/sisters in arms reminded me that I am so grateful to be a Canadian: a marvelously free, beautiful Country with a military full of amazing folks who give so much for us.

Pardon me a moment &%$$#F@# COMPUTER!!  Both desktop and laptop went belly up 2 days ago.  Thank heavens for Best Buy insurance, they are very reliable so I have my laptop back. 

Okay, now that I have the nonsense out of the way…

Jon and Russ, it was so good to ’see’ you both this morning on my blog ~hugs~

Running hurts again ~ughh~ my shins feel like someone shoved a spike up the front.  I do know it’s because I’m running too far too fast without stretching the way a ‘newbie’ should though.  I’ll get over it.

Jon my friend, I’ll send lots of running motivation thoughts your way since I’m constantly repeating them in my head lately.

Well I need to get off to work it’s almost 0700hrs already and I’m going to be late!

Gratitude thought for 4 April 2007:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DOC! I know you are off on Exercise, but rest assured your little womyn sang happy birthday to you this morning! ~hugs~

I’m grateful for my beloved husband who seems always to know precisely what I need and when. ~warm hugs~

So, guess whose shoes have been hiding in the spare room closet for hmm, 4 months now at least?  I’d given up on life in some ways, ironically my medications are finally working, I’m back to ‘normal’ work and there are no more dramatic mood swings or other bizarre things going on in my peripheral vision.  Seems the depression and hypomanic episodes kept me needing my ‘running fix’ all these years.  When the medicine sorted things out for me, well I knew I could handle the daily stress without my run and the next thing I knew I was running once a week after I came back from Mexico, then once every two weeks…and well you get the picture.

How is it that some folks fight with everything they have to the last moment.  They never stop, they don’t give up and they don’t make excuses?  I always imagined I was one of those until lately.  After hearing about dear Russ and the loss of his beloved, then loosing my uncle a couple weeks ago, a man whose been a close part of our family for years, coupled with watching my DH go through a really brutal reintegration from this last tour to Afghanistan I realized I was being just plain lazy and I had no right to feel sorry for myself.  I told my husband that yesterday, we had a wonderful long talk and I fell asleep on his lap promising myself that tomorrow I when I opened my eyes I would be me again.

Well the day emerged like most others, I was puttering around, feeling a sense of fear over the committment that seemed so overwhelmingly necessary last night that I naturally assumed it would be easy to jump back on the wagon.  I knew, have always known, that the key to unlocking my inner strength, wisdom and perseverence in ‘in my running.’  It’s almost, well I’m not sure how to describe it…surreal maybe.  But when I’m running it’s like that commercial for a car where the man comes out of work with all these bits of everything whirling around his head, like computers, bosses, papers, projects…and once he begins to drive they all fly away and his mind and body are free again.  That’s me only instead of a car, it’s just my body.

I was repeating a little mantra in my mind “I can do this, just a short run, no expectations, you’ll feel amazing” when I heard my husband’s truck come back in the drive.  I figured he had run off to get us a Sunday Timmies ;)  He walked in and handed me a two large bags.  One from Mark’s WorkWear House and one from Athlete’s World (we live in Northern Alberta…our shopping choices are limited)  I pulled out a brand new complete running outfit in navy blue.  The capris style pants with a low rise (just the way I like), and a jacket with this nifty pocket at the wrist for your iPod, so you can play around with it in your sleeve while you run.  There were a pair of wright socks and a new Quicksilver t-shirt in baby blue with olive script writing on it.  To finish it off there was a brand new pair of size 71/2 Saucony Grid Legacy runners in purple and white. 

What womyn in their right mind would not get dressed on the stop and run out the door instantly?  And so I did, 4.5km, two charlie horses and a mild headache later…I feel like someone just let me out of a prison. 

I’ll take my medicinal breakthrough with pleasure but I’m going to write every day at least one line of gratitude related to my running so that I don’t somehow loose touch, yet again, with this desparately needed therapy.

Gratitude Sentence for 1 April 2007:

I’m so immensely grateful for an amazing husband that not only honours but encourages and nourishes my need to run.

My thoughts and prayers are sent off in loving memory of Russ’s Beloved Baker.

Back from a month in Mexico; DH still in Afghanistan; running very slowly with a bum knee; working on a really time-consuming new project…happy though, just lonesome.  Can’t wait until XMas because I’m getting a closet full of new running gear, I can feel it in my bones.

Be well and take care this holiday season my friends ~hugs~

Well I’m still here and kicking. I need new shoes, new running tights and a new shell. Don’t you hate it when all your favourite pieces of gear buy it at about the same time? I sure as heck do. It’s been raining steady for a few days and I’m drenched and cranky at the end of my runs…~grump, grump, grump~

I keep trying to remind myself, it could be worse, I could still be in the army with some crusty old Warrant Officer running circles around me telling why it’s so wonderful to be cold, wet, tired and hungry. LMBO

Well I’m just here to say hi. Have to study some more, am working hard the Married to the Canadian Forces site projects and with Doc still in Kandahar I’m a one-womyn super-mom show.

So I’ve been off in Edmonton for awhile doing a course, writing some exams etc. Will come and jump or joy or cry depending on the results in a couple weeks. The running was great, and I’m certain it was because of the huge stress-relief value it had. My HR stayed at 179bpm continually, the route I had smelled gorgeous with all the trees and plants in late bloom and fresh cut grass everywhere. I’ve still not succeeded in converting my nieces into runners/walkers yet, but I won’t give up yet.

That said, while I was there I of course made time to trek into The Running Room (well a few of them actually: 109 Street, St. Albert and Namao Centre). It’s a bit of a mecca for me. I go there to get rejuvenated, to have my running spirit lifted, to buy lots of new stuff I can make an excellent argument for that I truly NEED. Well, I did need new runners of course. For the first time in my life I was disappointed 2 out of 3 times. The very young man on the 109 Street location seemed bored and perhaps mildly frustrated with my old lady-ish decision making approach. aside: I wanted lots of details, needed to think in my mumbling to myself kind of way and actually run around the store in my potential new shoes. (BTW I’m only 36 actually) At St. Albert I felt invisible and the store only had 2 other customers. Plus as I said I’m slow to decide on things and if I’ve not some poor soul to help me discuss things out I tend to err on the side of confusion and not buy anything. Lucky of for me the folks at Namao are like family, nope don’t one a single one of their names, but they brighten up like I’m one of their long lost friends when I walk in; they are happy to chat about anything running, whether I’m looking to purchase something or not and they just plain make me feel at home. Unfortunately I was stuck for time in a huge way b/c I was literally on my way out of town, it was supposed to be my leaving town for a few days good-bye hug to my little mecca (and it was a great one ), but since I need new shoes, a new pair of winter running tights, and a new under and middle layer for the colder weather I know is just around the corner ~ I’ll just pop in on them again this Thursday and get it all there.

The Running Room

Hokey Smudge!! I’ve been getting what Doc is telling me are migraines for a couple weeks now.  I get a rotten headache accompanied by a ring of pretty sparkly lights and feel kind of light headed and even a bit nauseous.  Since I can cope with pain after a couple Extra strength gel cap tylenols I keep putting off going to the clinic over it.  Today, however, I got about 1Km down the road and I felt like someone had lit a fire in my head and that it was going to literally explode any second.  Needless to say I simply came home.  I’m 4 ES gel cap Tylenols down range and checking messages and printing out my homework to read offline.  Guess I should get some advice from the professionals soon.

Any great cures out there that folks know about?  I so love when I don’t have to involve a doctor for things ~ here in Cold Lake you honestly can’t be sure the treatment you are getting is better than the problem you already have.

Running 

Not much to say except it was just a beautiful day for my run.  The right frame of mind (empty ;)), the weather was not too hot not too cold, a light breeze, the strong scent of trees, grass and mother nature in general; my two little ladies on thier bikes back and forth around me.  All the while I listened to Mark Shultz’s song He Will Carry Me, in my little speaker that holds my MP3 player on top of my backpack, about how the Lord will carry me through the next 6 months of Doc being deployed.

Here are the lyrics ~ just had to share:

I call, You hear me
I’ve lost it all
And it’s more than I can bear
I feel so empty

You’re strong
I’m weary
I’m holdin’ on
But I feel like givin’ in
But still You’re with me

chorus:
And even though I’m walkin’ through
The valley of the shadow
I will hold tight to the hand of Him
Whose love will comfort me
And when all hope is gone
And I’ve been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I will
Ever need
And He will carry me

I know I’m broken
But You alone
Can mend this heart of mine
You’re always with me

Warm wishes to everyone.

So Doc is deploying to Kandahar shortly, as most of you know, and since he’s such a good soldier, Husband and Daddy he decided, while still on leave, to go in and get all the administrative things on this end done early so he could spend the last few days just basking in the glow of his 3 little womyn.  Well doesn’t he get in there and they say: “you’re supposed to be on a plane to Petawawa today, why are you here?”

So panic mode 12 kicks in, we dig up the documentaion that shows different dates, folks call other folks, who argue with some other folks, dumb clerks are exposed and voila he’s back on track.  I have to tell you, I’ve been through this deployment stuff MANY times and when your sweetie is keyed up for a dangerous mission, it’s NOT good to F* with his administrative and deployment details.  It’s kind of like if you have a surgeon just doing the most delicate and dangerous procedure, requiring great concentration and you come up and tickle him under the armpit with a feather: bad news for him, the patient and God help the dude with the feather!!

So now that exciting adrenaline rush is over, I SO need to go for a long run, but I haven’t eaten yet what with all the panic.  Okay, must go have some fruit salad, hydrate up and hit the trail elsewise I might call the dude with the feather myself.

Well I feel better getting all that out.

UPDATE

He’s leaves tomorrow morning now…people did screw up but bottom line is he needs to be in theatre right away, and you can’t fight a war without your Medics there to back you up.

Compliments

This is so cool that I just had to mention it while I’m still sitting here totally dripping from my run. :)  So there was this group of beginner runners coming out of the fitness centre and as I got in the passing lane and went by, one lady pointed me out to her running buddy and said:

“see, she’s a totally average size human, and look how fast she can run!  We can totally do this and get good at it.”

Yup, my chest is all puffed up b/c even though I’m mostly cool with the planted to mother earth, Renaissance-type, cherub figure I seem to have evloved into over the last 4-5 years, the real truth is it’s still hard in our society to be ‘bigger.’ 

In the last 3 years I was in the army I can’t remember how many Warrant Officers or Sergeant Majors have run up alongside me and stuttered out something that went like this:

“Hey, for uhh, well I mean you’re a better runner than I thought.  Good job keeping up with the pack”

…translation:

“For a fat chick I run good?”

I’ve even had a doctor question the truth that I’m a daily runner for the last 19 years! :shock: Well until he had to check my knee of course and my lovely, shapely, well tanned (from running short level down anyway) legs are front and centre.  Then he comments that I must indeed be a runner with such well defined leg muscles. ~moron~ Don’t even get me started b/c he is SO not my doctor anymore.

Anyway, the compliment just felt so good I had to get on an rant about it.

Sock Snob

Turns out I’m a sock snob! Yup, me…hard to believe from such a tree-hugging, sandal wearing, Jesus groupie, mediator-type eh?! It’s true though.  Two days now I’ve had to wear regular white cotton running socks and they just plain suck is all I can say.  I’ve tried two different brands and you know if I don’t have my Wright Socks I’m just a cranky little critter cussing all through the run.  Going to have to buy a few more pairs. 

I probably didn’t mention the only reason I had no running socks is because Doc is behind on the laundry!  I know, I know…no need to draw a map to my washing machine. ;) 

 

Running

So I must be getting old and want to be toasty warm or even hot all the time.  With temps between 28-35C most of the time lately, yes trust me that is hot for where I live, I’ve been in my absolute glory.  Granted I do take the camelback for anything over 6km of course, load up on sunscreen, I must reek of the stuff, and wear my fishing ball cap in an effort to stay safe on the trail.  Since I’ve not been running on the back trails, b/c we just have too many wandering bears this year, and sticking to the nicely paved Millennial trail instead, there isn’t much shade along the way.  So it’s just me and the F-18s, Hornets and now the Harriers (and let me tell you Harriers are cool to watch, if you wear ear protection!) out there enjoying the bright blue skies and pounding rays of sun.

Pre-Deployment Anxiety my Butt

So Doc and I have been in each other’s faces like a couple of stubborn mules lately.  He keeps saying “ah the joys of pre-deployment anxiety” and I keep saying “no, you’re just not doing what you’re told like good husband.” LMBO ;)  Honestly, he needs to NOT get this much time off in a row…4 whole weeks.  He’s totally gumming up the works I tell you. 

So our communications have degraded to the level of: “I know you are but what am I” or the ever popular: “I’m rubber you’re glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you” and of course the last ditch classic of: “you’re not the boss of me!” 

Now here he sits behind me teasing me about being on the computer too long this morning, because he’s obviously bored and cleaning the house, the yard or gainfully engaging the children is some activity is not on the list of better things to do!  Oh yes Baby, you go ahead and read this over my shoulder, I’m totally going to complain about you all over the World Wide Web!! ~sticks tongue out~

 

Well, I feel much better now.

…of weeks I’ve been busier than a one-armed paper hanger again.  Gotta love it. 

Running

Been great, I so love every day that hits 20C or more!! Rain or shine, if it’s over 20C I’m in heaven.  My HR stays between 179-182 and since my max is 187 I’m good with that.  My non-running doctor is history…165 is for pale faces. LMBO

Banana Republic T-Shirt

I have to start with what a fantastic quality product.  Awesome shirt, feels great, the designs for RBF are fab as is the Rebster on the front. ;)  Only problem is that even an XL fits me like I was still 25 and 110lbs with no breasts.  Honestly their sizes are not average.  I can wear it but I sure can’t move in it.  Gave it to my up and coming little running buddy though, my 10 yr old DD.  She loves it and it’s kind of long and baggy on her but looks great over her bathing suit.  Since Dad is delighted when she hides all the budding little curves that are starting to show, we have a winner.  ;)  I think I’m going to try again and order a man’s medium…maybe I’ll have better luck.  Other than the size, it really is a fantastic running T…you’ll love it…but order at least 2 sizes higher than you usually do.  And if you have some beautiful God-given breasts like me, go for 3 sizes or a man’s size.

Well it’s raining, have loads of homework, warmline phone calls and then popcorn and a movie with the Mister.

Oh he’s headed back to Kandahar in a couple weeks so I’d be super grateful for any extra prayers you got kicking around. ~hugs~

P.S. promise to come back and put in the links, check in with my buddies etc. real soon ~ don’t hate me ’cause I’m beautiful and busy okay?!  

 

Running like Eeyore 

Running has been well just running; my average HR has stayed at or below 187 for the full 7km ~ I hope I’ll be doing longer distances by July, it feels like such a short little ‘tease’ but oh well, need to care for the body and all.

My knee is driving me insane, my cho strap is coming apart so I’m going to go surf for a new one right now.  Any suggestions are welcome! I can’t really get what I need up here in silly old Cold Lake.

Complete Running Chat Room

Mark and Aaron, bless their favourite running socks, have created a chat room for us to visit in.  Thanks guys, you’re the best. 

Hmm, just me having an Eeyore kind of day.  Hope you enjoy your weekend!

I’m busier than a one-armed gal in a paper hanging contest so I’ll just spew LOL

Holy Heart Rates Batman!

I was up to, are you ready for this? 240bpm yesterday, I’m zooming along and thinking, okay I’m givin’ ‘er so I best check, I didn’t feel bad or anything and whamo it says 240 so I stops in my tracks staring with gaping mouth at my HR monitor as it slowly ebbs out from that whopping heart work down 237…232…230 then it drops like a stone to 187 as I’m watching.? Okay so I’m going to get yet another new HR! ~rolls eyes~ Honest to besty I hope it’s the monitors and not my little ticker.? My max should be 187ish.

Fruit

I’ve discovered just plain fruit salad, that is me chopping up bits of fruit and putting it in a bow, is by far the best pre-run food.? Don’t sit there rolling your eyes and going ‘duh’ b/c honestly I used to need like half a bagel or even half a toasted tomatoe sandwhich on yummy rye bread but now all I need is like 1 cup of fruit and off I go…I just think this is so cool.

Learn to Run

I have a dear friend wanting to learn to run, and she lives far from me now.? Can you believe I can’t find a single starter program, well that I thought looked logical (I googled and got some weird stuff, some nice motivational stuff?but nothing solid with numbers).? I want simple and not even a wee bit intimidating.? I’d take the time to write one except she’s anxious and I’m busy like crazy the next week at least.? HELP?

I’m getting sorted out for my run, it’s always such a deal with me…all the various electronics sorted out and in place, weather checked out for the right clothing, and a pre-run snack.  I snuck a piece of bacon off mr-chosterol-invincible’s plate and made a small bowl of fresh berries.  So as I smack my gums and type (oops getting blueberry goo on the keyboard) I’m trying to motivate myself…it’s one of those blah, I could just crawl back in bed mornings.

What do you do/say to yourself etc. to get you out the door when you’d rather go back to bed?

So, I hit my GF’s house this evening before my run to quickly visit and check in. She’s a teacher.  Guess what happened at the school she was subbing at this last week.  2 little boys, whom she loves and claims heartily are “not bad boys, they just need to learn everything by brail, you know try it out and see what happens…don’t take anyone’s word for it, try it yourself types.” So I guess the teacher, another class than my GFs’, of these two boys had threatened to “glue them to their desks” if they didn’t sit still and so they pre-empted her threats and did it for themselves.  When reporting to the French Vice Principle over the incident (this is an immersion and english school), in response to Madame’s “what you do?” they simply declared “well we glued our bums to the desk Madame” to which she promptly replied “okay, you get your words together because I can not tell your parents what you did.”

So really, how does a girl go for a run with that story racing through her mind?  It kept me in stitches the whole way.  The sun is finally out, the millenium trail is dry and all the Maple Flag pilots are off getting snogged at the local pub…it was quiet, fresh and wonderful.  I got one heck of a side stich today mind you. I’m not sure what that was about, likely ate too much lunch I guess.

Oh and I seem to have repaired my commenting thingy with Dawn’s help! Thank you Dawn.

So I’m working on a really important project.  I’m going to teach a Dealing With Difficult People workshop next week for the local military community folks.  I have this awesome lady, very experienced facilitator helping me through but really in essence I’m going mostly solo.  So, I’m working through the material, that part is solid, then I stands up in front of my full length mirror to practice delivery ~ blah blah blah…not really coherent in either official language.  So here I am, in essence talking to myself, and the frustration builds to a point where I just look in the mirror and yell out:

“Hell just make the B******’s run 5Km if you don’t know what else to do with them!”

Sure hope the neighbours are well away at work and didn’t hear that! LMBO

Seriously though, I’m sure it’s just nerves and I’ll do well but golly I can’t seem to get the words out.  Granted, I had to put off my run until after dinner today so perhaps once I’m out there I can get the thoughts squared away.

Here, I’ll share one of the anecdotes I was thinking about using, granted I need audience permission for me to use the title of a feminine hygeine product, but I still think this primarily military audience will enjoy it.

One of the toughest folks to deal with are what Brinkman describes as the ‘Tank’ and defines these people like this:

The Tank is confrontational, pointed and angry, the ultimate in pushy and aggressive behaviour.

Now, when it comes to brainstorming ideas for dealing with the Tank, I offer an anecdote of my own from time to time, so in this case I offer a story about when I first joined the army and was off in Battle School learning to be a tank driver. (Ironic eh?) Anyway, in Battle School, you are in essence surrounded by these human ‘Tanks’ and while arguably they are playing the ‘role’ of a Difficult-Person-Tank for your benefit to learn to be tough etc. Still they are exhibiting classic Difficult-Person-Tank behaviours.

One day, awaiting inspection in our barracks, the instructors surprised us by coming in the back door (womyn’s section of the building) and when so when ‘ROOM!!’ was called (basically a word shoutted out to get everyone to snap to the position of ‘at attention’) I was so nervous that I stood up, hands at my side, eyes forward but did not bring my heels together. (so I’m standing with legs shoulder width apart) And by the way, I’m totally clueless that my heels are not together as should be.

A Master Corporal (MCpl) comes over and blasts all over me about: “what’s your problem trooper? Are you a….?  Do you….? Do you think I’m a…that I wouldn’t…how….do you think I am? etc.”  Finally, because he is not getting an acceptable answer out of me, and I’m still clueless about the whole shoulder width apart legs thing, he gets down on one knee, aims his ear at my legs and says: “why can I hear the wind whistling between your heels trooper?” to which I calmly, but loudly, replied: “because I’m not wearing a tampon today MCpl!”

No word of a lie, they called an end to the inspection and carried on with the day…the MCpl, and Warrant Officer that was behind me, were red as beets and incredibly silent for about 20 minutes…almost unheard of in a battle school to be sure.

Okay, I miss my RBF way too much.  I think of you all so often and yet I’ve not made time to be ‘in the community’ for far too long.  On the upside, my career is finally in first gear and taking off: mediator/conflict strategies facilitator is on the move…I’m terrified to jinx myself so I won’t share the details until everything is a go.  My sweet hubby is almost all trained up for tour number 4, back to Kandahar for him, back to manic running and scrapbooking for me LMBO…that’s what I do when he’s overseas and I miss his cute little butt.  My schooling is all but done, just have the assessments and the MBTI (Myers Briggs Type Instrusment) Workshop left.  Can you believe it?  The bipolar disorder is still a tough one, can’t seem to find the right medication but at least I know tons more than I did and I manage far better.  The girls are amazing of course elles va a l’ecole francophone et parle plus de francais tout le temps!

As for my running, well it’s just for survival still, and thank heavens for surviving, it means I’m still moving right along in this big, beautiful world the Lord made for us.

Beijos and Blessings all you wonerful Runners.

Special love, prayers and blessings out to Captain Nichola Goddard’s husband, family, colleagues in arms and friends!!!  All 17 of our protecteurs lost in the War Against Terror are in our thoughts and prayers.